100 Days- Day 6

So yesterday, I ended up eating off plan and not being able to complete my second  round of exercise, so that means I have to start each of my plans from scratch, or at least I know I have to start over with 75 Hard as that's a part of the rules. If you miss any of the activities on any given day, you have to begin again. So that's what I'll do. As my ankle still needs rest today as this morning it was very stiff and tender, I'll hold back with exercising, but I will proceed with the weekly housecleaning as it'll keep me moving somewhat, and a little activity is better than none. As far as the 28 Juice Plan, I think I won't start over as I don't want to have to repeat all the juices of Week One again this week. I'll simply keep going, staying aware that day 5 was a bust but then life went on! 

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Yesterday, as I finished my beach walk, I recorded a little selfie video just after rinsing off all the beach sand. I was feeling so absolutely wonderful about all the progress I'd made this week and super uplifted by the beautiful double rainbow that the heavens had blessed  me with after I'd twisted my ankle at the water's edge. Then when I replayed it, I wondered whether I'd have the guts to actually post it. 

After all, I'm definitely carrying some extra weight. One of the motivating factors in taking on this 100 day challenge was the sincere wish to get back into what Susan Pierce Thompson calls a "right sized body" and to stay there in the future while continuing to eat well, exercise regularly and sleep enough hours. I'm wanting transformation and that's why I'm working so hard. 

But all of us, including me, need to be able to love ourselves and be our own best champions at any stage of our journeys, not with-holding love, affection, support and approval until we've reached our stated goals. Shame and guilt are truly are corrosive emotions, robbing us from warmer, more affectionate relationships with ourselves, and  instead pulling down our self-esteem and nudging us to stay hidden so no one can out us, laugh at us, or demean us when they spot our deficits.

I was contemplating all that in the morning and then horror of horrors- I ended up caving- and eating off plan! I can tell you, once the smugly complacent rebel character  that had been leading the charge faded into the background, the self-righteous critic and the petrified young lass both found voice.  While the inner critic lambasted me for my weakness, the little girl quaked in the corner beseeching me to do nothing that might invite derision and scorn. "Hide! Don't tell anyone" she moaned, squirming and hanging her head. The inner critic on the other hand scolded and upbraided me, telling me how I shouldn't have decided to post all this publicly as clearly I'm unable to sustain the challenge as my will is flimsy and weak. 

But parts work tells us that there's a calm, quiet, confident center within each of us where truth dwells and where we might return to find not only solace, but also the clarity and strength so needed to help us meet all of life's vicissitudes and rise up to weather all its storms. I've decided to be embrace my wonderful slightly chubby self, and to not worry about the social media critics who might mock me for my lumps and bumps. I'm a work in progress after all, and this fine body of mine that carries me through this world each and every day has birthed three lovely children, who are now a man and women in their thirties. It has allowed me to experience all of life's rich pageant and I refuse to shame myself into invisibility because I'm not fit just at this very moment. I'm enjoying my life, and reaching proudly towards a better self so that I might encounter and even brighter, happier, and more fulfilling tomorrow.

So I've decided to both post my little video of my smiling, happy beach self, even with lumps and bumps. And I've decided not to shame myself for stumbling on my journey and erring on my food plan Yes, it sucks as that means I'm now having to go back to the beginning of my 75 Hard because I messed up. So what? Progress not perfection baby. And if at some point I'm coaching you as you lean into your hard, I'll be able to speak with experience when I say, "Hey, it's ok. We all stumble. It's a question of picking yourself, brushing yourself off, and starting all over again!" I'll be able to be kind and loving towards you, just as I've been that way with myself. And so it is!